Controlling Behavior Vs. Respectful Freedom
Dr. David Hawkins wonderful book « Power vs. Force » helped me years ago understanding better what “power” really meant. It took me several years to be able to apply this knowledge to my own reality… When as a child you experience controlling parents even from a loving family, you assume growing-up that control meant power and you get into the habit of using force (verbally or through attitudes), to get what you want from the people that are close to you: spouse and/or children. For example:
Over protective (sometime abusive) mothers usually are in complete denial, justifying their attitude with: “but it is because I love you, I want to protect you…” These are all good intentions, but still a controlling behavior.
Manipulative spouse will be jealous, insecure about themselves, sometime making themselves sick to get attention, or become withdrawn not wanting to talk to the other spouse for several days as punishment.
There are many ways to control others and we all do it to some extent. The question is: “are we willing to change this unhealthy habit?” In my practice I switch from doing direct healing to empowering healing techniques (see article on Healing), so my clients can learn the cause of their challenges and learn self-help tools to heal and grow. The result is more profound and lasting. Plus it gives a sense of being in power instead of a feeling of inferiority and dependency. Manipulation and controlling behavior are the opposite of respectful and honest communication. When we release the “need for been right”, we set others and ourselves free. Integrity grows self-esteem and unconditional love. Here are Mantra-Affirmations to set you free of controlling behavior:
I am safe and supported by the Universe.
I am free to choose what I want to do and whom I wish to be, every day, in many ways.
I have the power to redesign my life, right now.
I am self-sustained and fulfilled.
I release the need to be right or to control others.
My willingness to respect others unconditionally, bring joy to my heart.
I forgive myself and everybody involved in my life from the past, present and future.
As I set free my loved ones, I set myself free of boundaries.
I attract unconditional love as I give unconditional love.
I feel gratitude for my freedom.
I experience integrity and kindness in all my relationships every day, in every way.
Since I have applied this awareness to my children’s education when they were younger using a good sense of humor and offering choices with rewards, I am getting better results as well. They are happier in their social life and had a better attitude in general. As for me, I don’t stress myself quite as much as I used to. “Relax, be happy” is my everyday mantra. Try it at work or at home and please send me your always appreciated feedback. Light, Love and Gratitude, Fabienne.